I was struck this week by a recurrent phrase that seemed to pop up in a number of places: “toxic shame.” It started me thinking about the reality of human shame and how pervasive it is in our culture. Shame is recorded as the first human response to sin in the Book of Genesis – “they hid themselves.” It is a strange emotion, perhaps the oldest human emotion, universal, and almost never discussed. In my pastoral ministry, one thing has been clear: shame can paralyze the human heart and soul. By its very nature, shame tends to be secret. It is defined as the sense that there is something wrong with me, rather than that I have done something wrong. It is a persistent feeling of worthlessness, humiliation, and inferiority which can give rise to destructive behaviors. It can also transform itself into depression, anger, and even rage. Above all, shame provokes a desire to hide – even from our loving and merciful God. Shame can cause us to flee from God, a feeling captured in the poem Hound of Heaven, by Francis Thompson: “I fled Him down the nights and down the days; I fled Him, down the arches of the years; I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways of my own mind; and in the mist of tears, I hid from Him.”
For the Orthodox Christian, shame doesn’t have the final word. The fact that we do wrong things does not mean that we are bad persons at heart. Yes we sin. We break the loving covenant with our Father God. That is the sad result of the broken humanity we share with those who once walked in Paradise. However, as the Psalmist wrote: “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in kindness.” (Psalm 145:8) Genuine sorrow and repentance for sin is one thing. Chronic and paralyzing shame, self-destructive guilt, is quite another reality. Hope is the antidote for shame. St. Paul, himself experiencing profound shame because of his former life of persecuting Christians and their church, boldly states: “Hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:5) If shame visits your heart regularly or every now and then, if remorse has turned into soul-wrenching sadness, if your past and its choices have you shackled to guilt and shame – take heart my brothers and sisters! God’s love is in your heart fighting to be felt and experienced over against shame. He is there in your darkest hour to convince you that he doesn’t make junk and that you are worth enough for him give His only Son over to death for you. Cling to that hope everyday and remember amidst the turbulence and storms of life, His assuring words: “Be still, and know that I am God!” Loving Father, we count on it.
Fr. Dimitrios
